I have not been in a good place this past week.
I was feeling stressed about Cy starting preschool next year and which days to send him. I initally thought Tuesday Wednesday would be good but that would mean we would have to join a new music class, we currently go on Tuesday mornings and the thought of having to meet new people, a new group made me feel really anxious - and I wondered have I got social anxiety? Because I just can't do it, can't meet more new people. I feel this way I think because I still feel bruised and battered by grief, I don't want to expose myself to any more polite (and not so polite) looks, questions, those "sympathetic", kind smiles. Damm it I am so over it.
So I have decided to send Cy to preschool on other days of the week so we dont' have to move to a new music group. I like the Tuesday morning group we are in, everyone knows us, there are no questions, looks or those kind smiles, just joy, laughter and encouragement. I love taking the boys there.
Got to give myself a break ......
You know what, I think people think that once our child gets older and some time passes that we just accept the Down syndrome and move on with our lives...But what they fail to realize is that with Ds there is always something NEW to get use to, to adjust to...Each new phase in our childs life brings on more feelings, different issues, new concerns...sometimes it is overwhelming because it is life long, it wont ever end really.
ReplyDeleteI am ok right now because Russell is a baby and just at home with me, but when he has to go to school and other activities it is going to be all new things to get use to.
I understand how you feel. And sometimes it just plain sucks to have to answer questions, and smile and be polite to comments and looks...Many times I feel I am SO over it too!!