That moment

I haven't posted these photos before.

Owen was born 6 weeks early by CSection, he was delivered right onto my bare chest.

He stayed on my chest for a couple of hours, at first he was licking and sucking his hands and my chest and locking his beautiful, dark, ocean blue eyes with mine and then after a bit he fell asleep snuggled against me.


It was then I wrapped Owen up and handed him over to his dad for his first cuddle, I asked Col for the camera to capture the moment. I took a couple of photos and then stopped, and really looked at my son, but this time I saw something else, and I felt a flicker of panic. I asked Col "do you think he has Down's Syndrome? He rolled his eyes and softly shook his head no, and went back to the moment - holding his newborn son for the first time.

But I felt I had just stepped onto a trapdoor, which threatened to open and sweep me away into an abyss. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, I didn't dare. I wont ever forget that moment. The sickening anxiety and dread I felt.

So, a couple of days ago I was looking through a bunch of photos on the computer and I found

that photo.

That moment.

The moment when, for the first time I thought my newborn son had Down's syndrome.

I can never forget how that felt.

But now when I look at this picture I can also see...

an intensely proud father cherishing his newborn son

Time is healing my wounds

Giving me perspective

and the clarity

to see the beauty that was always there.