The open palm

After an hour or so of snuggling with baby Owen - I handed our newest baby boy to my husband and I had a flicker of anxiety as I thought he looked like he had down syndrome - This is what I saw from the bed (insert photo here) See his eyes a little turned up at the edges ? I asked my husband - do you think he has DS and he rolled his eyes and shook his head in a soft reassuring way. But when my Col left the room and a midwife came in I asked her - "this may sound like a strange question but do you think my baby might have DS?" and instead of saying "oh no your baby is perfect" she said "yes I do think he has some of the features". I sat still in the bed but on the inside I was running, screaming, shaking I looked at my new baby asleep in my arms, I remember thinking no, no no HE IS FINE .....

Then she opened my baby's palm....

and showed me the single crease in his palm, a very distinctive feature of DS (though not everyone with DS will have it).

Col wasn't back (he had gone to get the rest of the family) and the Ped arrived, he started to undress my newborn baby and pointed out (actually poked and prodded) all of our perfect baby's "imperfections". I was felt like I was dying and I was alone my baby lying undressed at the end of the bed like a petal torn from a flower.

Finally he said the baby has 6 out of 10 DS markers that is a strong indicator and we should consider a genetic test to confirm it. Col came back at that moment.

I can't describe the spin I was in, the hurt, the pain, the confusion and the rest of our little family had arrived outside and were waiting to see their brother and newest grandchild. For a while we didn't know what to do next...