I have been busy posting about the past year trying to catch up but reading back through my posts one thing is missing.
Its the emotion of coming to terms with Down Syndrome.
This I know - everyones journey is different. Ours has been affected by Owen's health which meant the grieving process kept getting put on ice until each crisis was over.
At first I swung between love and grief, acceptance and denial and I will admit it rejection. I thought about adoption - give him to someone that WANTS to take this on, because I thought "I can't DO this", I cried, I sobbed every day for 5 weeks after Owen was born.
We had little support from family and friends who also struggled with Owen having Down Syndrome.
Then we found out that Owen's heart needed to be fixed and all I wanted was for my baby to live, to sing to dance to feel love and to be loved. I realised how much I loved and wanted THIS baby.
And grief is diffiuclt you know - its like a pendulum and just when you think your okay you are totally in acceptance without warning you can be swung back into those dark sad feelings of grief.
That pendulum has swung back and forth over the past year, but the arc is getting wider and wider with more time spent in acceptance and love than grief.
As Owens personality comes out, as he grows and he progresses and I learn to reorganise my thinking, to get a tougher skin, to get educated, I am coming to realise that IT REALLY IS OKAY, I can do this - (look what we have done already).
Oh, how I can relate to this post!! Its definatly a process...And just when you think you are fine with the Down syndrome something happens and you find yourself back at square one.
ReplyDeleteOwen is such a cute little guy and has overcome so much in his short life, seeing pictures of his surgeries breaks my heart, I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult that must be as a Mother to watch your child go through! I admire your strength!