I have had such ups and downs the past week.
Earlier in the week I felt angry and sad that I may never have an adult conversation with Owen, its all come about because recent long and "adult like" conversations I am having with Randall (13.5yrs) it is a new level of conversation for us, he totally gets adult style humour (and is so quick witted) I am loving our conversation, but after everyone had gone to bed last night, I broke down and cried , I felt so angry, such a sense of frustration and loss. I know I am meant to be positive and have high expectations of O, but sometimes I just wonder if I am sugar-coating it, I mean REALLY what can I expect from our future conversations, will I always be talking to him like a child ? It made me feel so sad and I thumped the cushions on the couch a few times before I realised I was grieving over something that may or may not happen but why grieve over it now when he is just 2 years old. I have to put my blinkers on and just look what I have with him right now.
And what I have with Owen right now is good.
He has changed again this week, walking 95% of the time and he has started babbling again ! He hasn't babbled for over a year and it is so wonderful to hear him say Lalalalalalal, ba,ba,ba,ba Mamamamamama (first time ever saying Ma ! not to me though but so great to hear him say it) I don't know if it was due to shitty hearing or dyspraxia (thats what the SP thinking it could be) but he stopped babbling around the time he was 1 year old before that he was a prolific babbler and it sounded so musical. He got ear tubes at 18 months but babbling didn't return but then he did start saying some words so I thought the babbling was gone for good. It has been so lovely to have babbling conversations with him the past few days and now I know he can say the Maamamama sound -I knew he was holding out on me.!!
He has also changed -grown in his personality, he is more confident and is a bit of a stirrer, it has been so exciting to see these new changes, just when things seemed to be in a holding pattern, he has burst through once again and changed the game and I don't mind a bit.
I have had moments like that, where a sadness from deep within just comes rushing out and you just need to sit and cry and be angry for a moment. And its hard to find that balance of having high expectations and being realistic at the same time. I hear ya. This path is not always easy. Hugs from me Viv.
ReplyDeleteThat's great Owen is babbling again!! And the walking, awesome!!
I think you are right, Owen is only 2 and there is no sense in worrying about what he will and won't be doing in ten years or so. Stay in the now, that's what I tell myself anyway. And it sounds like it was perfect timing for Owen to be walking all the time and starting to babble. I love it when they surprise us and there will be plenty more to come!
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