Hair and tail pulling

So Sasha at The Wonder of Wysdom asked me did I have any suggestions about hair pulling and I am pleased to say I have had some success with this behaviour.

Of course we tried OUCH, stop, gentle, no - etc etc all to no avail.

Instead I have redirected his fascination with hair into positive behaviour

• Initially I started with playdough/sand/the top of the table (I know that sounds weird but stay with me here)
• I used KEY words like pat, and rub and a hand over hand technique initially to show him the meaning of the words and what they feel like.
• we did this every day - salt and peppered throughout the day for a few days
• when he was let near hair again he would GRAB and PULL and I would immediately say RUB, RUB, PAT, PAT and guess what - he started rubbing and patting and then we would say awwwwh thats so nice and gentle rub rub, pat pat Good Boy etc laying on the positive reinforcement pretty heavily.

He will still grab at my hair every now and again but as soon as I say those key action words he drops my hair gives me a pat and rub and is very gentle with me.

I have also used this technique to teach him to be gentle with our new (rescued) dog Shadow. We got him at New year (after losing our dog 5 years ago we finally felt ready to have another) we spotted Shadow on the RSPCA website and fell in love with the old fellow (he is 5 years old) he has the most amazing nature, so gentle, placid and cuddly, and Owen really tested him by pulling his hair, tail, ears and beard at every opportunity. As soon as I saw him making a grab I would remind him to pat and rub and he would do that instead - but it has taken a few weeks for Owen to learn just to pat and rub (cause that tail is just made for pulling isn't it ???????)

This is a photo of our new addition Shadow with the boys

Up up up....and away (I hope!)

I just wanted to update after our camping trip when I was worried about Owens groaning and yelling behaviour that he does when he is overwhelmed/frustrated/tired or bored.

We have tried, in the past to ignore this behaviour but that didn't work at all and saying NO hasn't work either. After that camping trip and quite a bit of thinking I have been addressing the behaviour like this;

When Owen is groaning/yelling I respond quickly by

• going over to him and saying his name
• and then waiting for him to respond
• if he doesn't respond I touch him gently on the shoulder and he always stops yelling/groaning
• then I say to him - do you want to come up, up ??( I repeat the KEY word and use the natural open arm gesture)
• and I wait for him to respond - initially I had to model what I wanted him to say, so actually had to say to him - "say up", he learnt quickly and now he responds by saying "uhhhh, uhhhhh, uhhh" and putting his arms out to be picked up
• I pick him up immediately

I know I am still responding to the yelling/groan and I worry that I am still reinforcing it but I hope that by responding quickly he will learn not to go on and on with it as he has in the past. I hope that over time the yelling/groaning will begin to fade away (it has already lessened considerably) and I think as he begins to understand the POWER of words this will happen. I needed to break things down into more steps than you would a typical kid but this strategy is working really well, he seems happier-I am happier!!

Picaso

I am not brave enough to let him loose with real paint just yet but he LOVED painting with water!

We have had a fantastic week here, Owen has been an absolute joy ! Playdough, painting, gardening, and stair climbing (up and down) fill in our days very nicely.

sometimes I'm afraid

We have just been away camping. It was a great trip except for Owen's yelling, groaning and grizzling. I know he is loud at home but out in the bush it just seemed so much louder and with other people camping close by, I was really conscious of just how loud he is. I thought I could sense the other people looking our way, wondering what was "wrong" with our baby, or wishing we could make him be quiet, it was one of those times when I felt poignantly aware of his disability. I felt like yelling out to them - He's got Down Syndrome, OK!

I don't know if other kids with DS are like this or not, but Owen seems to get yell/groan alot - its his outlet for tension - like if the dog comes too close, or he doesn't want that piece of cheese, or he has had enough kisses for the day and I think with all the different sensory input in the bush he was more noisy than usual. I found myself at one point looking over at him sitting on the grass in front of the tents yelling and groaning and I thought - , is he going to be doing this when he is 9, 18, 30, 60 ??? it made me cringe and I felt deeply, deeply sad and afraid, afraid of his disability, afraid for the effect on my other boys and afraid for what my life may look like.

Owen was fine if I carried him round on my hip or in the baby carrier and he LOVED all the butterflies and the waterfalls and he was great in the baby backpack on our long hikes, so that was a saving grace and I hope that once he learns to talk and can communicate and we can reason with him that the yelling, groaning and grizzling will become a distant memory, another thing that I worried over unnecessarily.

return to arms

Owen hasn't given up on me, no not at all. Today is the 4th day of his return to nursing !
He refused to nurse for over 5 weeks. I know there isnt a whole lot of milk there so I am calling them "cuddles" for now and the change in him is noticable. Owen seems happier emotionally now he is nursing again and who wouldn't be with 2 or 3 long (20 minute) "cuddles" a day, it is so delicious to hold him in my arms and snuggle again.

required equipment: ear muffs

If your only 3 years old and and don't want to share your toys, or your lunch or the bathroom with your pesky little brother, what do you do ?

You squeal, scream and/or cry like you are being mauled by a bear (well that's what Cy has been doing this week),

and what does Owen do ?

well like any annoying little brother he copy's, raising the decibel level to extraordinary, making me wince and making Cy cry and scream even louder.

I try quietly and in a very orderly and adult way to umpire this situation to sort out what is wrong, to remind Cy that Owen is copying him, to use our normal voices, to come to mummy if there is a problem rather than screaming BUT I have to admit these boys are wearing me down and I fear I may join the fray ! I have started rolling my eyes at them when they start their screaming matches and that is a sure sign that I am beginning to crack.

what makes a good motivator?

Who knew that a jar of Arnica could be a great motivator? Owen's first cruise!

He has also progressed from a four point crawl to bear crawl over the past week - he only 4 points when he wants to go somewhere FAST. I am so excited to see this new stage the possibilities it opens up for him - he also climbed onto the couch for the first time this morning - climbing and cruising all in one day !